i think ive grown so much stronger in person.=) say hallelujah.

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You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

haha hi there.

i think ive somewhat lost the feel to blog these days. anyways i will be setting up a new blog to erhem "mark a new phase of my life" so watch this space!

if you didn't know, i dun usually blog about stupid stuff like how i step on a xiao qiang. its just that i do blog about my thoughts and everything (in nice prose form) just that uh i switch them to 'only me-- private mode' after like displaying them for 2-3 days.

ok so uh i will move to either blogspot or wordpress! yea. =)

damn gross. i felt the shell cracking beneath my feet. i thought lizard was bad enough. but COCKROACH. 

i was barefooted!!!

ok so i got huanglin to pass me odac photos on friday! i will busy myself on saturday to post the pics on facebook hehe

today i watched drama! called wonderful life. haha

tmr i shall prac piano. cos today i cut my fingernails too short, got blood, cannot go lesson.

thats all! i shall go back to watching my show

ok i just came back from dinner LOL. so much for skipping dinner. i had rice, curry fish head, 2 types of vege, crispy tofu and fuyong egg. I FINALLY HAD PIPING HOT RICE WOOOHOOO.

and. i wanted to go gym. but it closes at FIVE PM.

0.o


diet day 1= failure!

as how annabel loves to put it: tmr will be a better day!

ok thats not as bad as i thought it would be!!!!

ok all i need to do now is wait for replies=D

and i agreed to go for se batch dinner on the 15th. like ohemgee

i need lotsa help from God to defrost any awkwardness.


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in a few seconds, my finger will hit the'send' button. and all those unpleasant memories and reminders of how irresponsible i am in reality will all come back to me, and those who read the email.

i was packing thru my stuff, and came across syf photos from 2005.

IM SO SCREWED

which chairperson will hog onto such photos and not KNOW until like this morning? except liying who kept asking me for her photos, nobody else claimed. i also have jincheng's certificate with me.

this is so screwed up. i can feel my whole face burning red. my whole body is feeling very hot.

i dont know why am i even doing this. i can really just dump the photos down the chute. but i created this mess, so i should sort it out. maybe ive been the one living in DENIAL. ive been like trying to avoid the dhsse ever since i stepped down, but i think God wants it the other way. He wants me to be responsible.

ok. i might or might not win any applause of some sorts for stepping out but i know for sure that i don't want to continue living in denial -- of  my incompetance and irresponsibility and lack of passion for details; or even living in regret. ive alr screwed up enough things.

but this is gonna be so hard. if you happen to see me, give me some words of encouragement will ya?

typing is very comforting. i can go on and on typing about my emotions... the past few days, ive been unable tosleep. so i while away on the lappie, browsing random blogs and using facebook. i get nightmare about my alevels you know! that day, i dreamt of HISTORY. the horror. i dreamt that kashmir, arabisraeli and WTO came out. LOL.

ok im on this new diet which is basically, i skip dinner. and do very mild exercise. COS I DONT WANNA LOSE MY BOOBS.

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God help me!

ok i finally have proper hamster food in their trays! ive been neglecting them for q some time now .. >.< ok  cannot continue like this.

i need a new wardrobe. i need to pack my room.

i slept at 7pm ytd and woke at 11 this morning. tired!! i slept only 4 hrs the previous morning.. watching jin ma jiang now.

ytd went shopping around. i broke my own record!

im still thinking about whether i should apply for peking uni. cos need money$$ haha.

ok i dunno why am i blogging in broken sentences.

gonna watch concert later tonight.

shall prac some piano hor

lol i shall not attempt to make my life sound very happening because it isnt.

OMG  THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO YOU!

I <3 YOU MUCHZXXXXX <3333

THX FOR POSTING THAT PHOTO OH MAN.
----------------
ok. note to myself!

do not anyhow pose for ANY camera. now i have a pic of my big fat butt on facebook and it so looks like PORN. SHIT LAH.

THATS IT. IM GOING ON A DIET TO LOSE THAT EXTRA FATS ON MY THIGHS AND BUTTTTTT. \

THANKS AGAIN PEIXIN!!!!

<3

now that everything is finally over, now.. that im more sober, now that ive all the time to myself.

its really time to 认真规划我的生活。

i need desperately to plan out what i want to do and what i need to do. please do not disturb me.

just came back=)

grad ceremony. didnt feel anything. just like that lor. wasnt expecting anything anyway.

prom wasnt really that enjoyable. felt sian thruout. the food was q sucky.. too much starch and garlic. but ok the mango sago thingy was not bad. um i had a few shortlived minutes of fun by zi-highing towards the end. took some photos. everybody looked nice. chiyu helped me with my hair and makeup. spent only $50 on my shoes which can be reuse for new year.

what else? oh. went peixin's house. drank some wine and sprite. played mahjong and dai dee. ate ruffles and peas. felt really tired. KO-ed at 4 plus. slept on single-sized bed with yuting shermaine and peixin. kiu-ed thruout cos i was forced into this tiny corner. woke at 10. took funny photos. went for breakfast/lunch. ate beehoon. the brinjal was really sucky. breakfast not that nice. chat. q nice.

muimui very cute!

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nothing happened these days so i didnt post anything.

is there sometihing wrong with livejournal???

i need to sleep away my eyebags

刚看完《还珠格格2》。。 好开心，好满足！

十年。。 没想到一晃就十年。原来以前拍过的戏不只好看，不只可以用来解闷，也可以当作是属于自己回忆的一部分。记得当时还念小学，妈妈管教严，只允许我们看‘有意义’的电视剧。或许她爱琼瑶。。当时追看还珠格格，那我也‘有眼福’， 可以追看这部连续剧。

不过，当时的我傻呆呆的，只觉的小燕子特别有趣，成语用得乱七八糟（跟我错别字老毛病很相似哦）。。 喜欢看，大多是因为那是从功课的解脱吧。 当时单纯，觉得五阿哥特别帅，每当小燕子出事，他都会永远在他身旁支持她，鼓励她，永远那么包荣，谅解，体贴。就这样，我开始对‘爱情’有了单纯的了解。记得当时的free-time，不用在玩具或电脑游戏。。 而是喜欢发白日梦，希望能尽快找到自己的永琪，甚至连上课时也可以做梦！

很吃惊吧！原来年幼的舒敏竟然那么花痴！。。不过我倒认为是‘追求理想’，是早熟，不是花痴！

现在，过了十年。。 或许有些人已经历过人生，找到伴侣。。又或者，觉得自己’看透人生‘ 。。 不认为有真情。我嘛，还很单纯 =D（因为还没有谈过恋爱。我妈说我很差劲！会吗？？？）

用十年的经历和经验，成熟（呵呵。。）‘小大人’的身份 （还有解闷的目的）， 从新欣赏， 了解，甚至审视这出戏。 虽然人老了，但是还是觉得自己像是小燕子，有许多糊涂犯罪的时候。我还是觉得戏里的感情起起落落处理得非常好，那soundtrack 也配合得挺不错的。（尤其是十年前的制作！）我还是很喜欢小燕子和永琪之间的爱。就是‘豁出去不顾一切’的那种。再加上那‘一箭定终情’。那太浪漫了， 也太单纯，太不切实际了！紫薇和尔康的爱也很美。尤其是那些肉麻死的话。。 在夜深人静的时候看。。 哇赛！离奇的感动。(totally not my style.. but yea.its still romantic and nice )

还有，那主题环绕的亲情，友情，人情。。。

就这样，《还珠格格》掀起了我平凡的过去， 也为我创造了许多对生命的解释和标准。
--------------------

嗯。。 记得几个月前在private blog 所发表的一篇感想，里头一句话正好能结束今天这篇文章, 我这就与你们分享吧！

-oct 11, 2008-
"我想在我一生，为自己活。舞出自己生命最漂亮的一只舞，要求踏踏实实，却又是精精彩彩，轰轰烈烈。"

Haha I dunno what made come up with this sentence, but I really like it a lot. Becos it sums up what I hope to achieve in this lifetime. Hee

i really should stop checking out the backgrouds of actors in movies/dramas. because it totally destroys the character that each actor painstakingly build up in each story. it reveals the reality.. because afterall, i grew to love the characters in the stories, not the actors/ actresses.
------------

i think, i need to quickly find back my love for fiction. "good fiction." (umm not chick flick/ fantasy stories..) bcos.. as i aged, i began realising that happy ever after doesnt exist, so i stop engaging in those beautiful creations by authors. but thats the very purpose of them writing the stories.. its a means for us to live our lives through the characters, a chance for us to take a step into each imaginative world created by different authors.

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okay. need time to sort out some thoughts.

life's good=) i wake up at noon, eat lunch, on computer and watch tudou till dinner time, eat dinner, continue watching video until 6am, then sleep.

im currently watching princess pearl 2. its remarkable how when we watch a drama dated ten years ago, it brings back such fond memories that i cannot describe. i really like the show alot. the songs are very touching

after prom, when i can finally have enough money, i will go and pay all my library debts and start borrowing books.

i like my life=)

i just wonder how many freaking times do we have to say good bye?

we have another 'graduation day' on next wed.. and then another 'graduation night' aka prom at night.

we went through a 'farewell' on the last day of school.

im not freed yet, am i?

now i have to think of how to hide my red hair

today, ive learnt an important lesson. that is : do not judge

ive always believed in 'judge rather than be judged'. so all my life, ive been very critical of every single aspect of things i see and hear. maybe not known to anyone, but im really very critical. i judge people too much for my own good.

so lets spread the love, and stop judging people. because judging others will not at all lessen any pain that you experience from being judged. rather, by being less critical, it is proven that we will lead a happier life.

ok thats all i will say
 

not bad. im starting to get use to my red hair! its quite versatile actually.

i can let it down, i can put red hair band and the top of my head doesnt look as flat as it did 2 days ago b4 haircut.. i can do it up in french braid.. i can tie 2 pony tails, i can stuff the end of my french braid into the top braid and it will look like a bun(and that i have alot of hair).. i can tie it in a high ponytail and look like ahlian's twin..

i can FAKE A BOB!

how cool is that=D

but i felt really ah lianish. i was bobbing to music in this techno shop, and really felt like im liberated. reborn into ah lian. it was quite nice actually.. all i need to do now is to learn hokkien

i went changi village for dinner! me and ruiqi had nasi lemak, fried oyster and satay. damn full. i had teh halia

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. CANNOT FIT INTO ALOT OF CLOTHES.

chao ah lian needs short shorts. how can i squeeze into one with cellulite hanging everywhere?!

--------------------------

but seriously speaking, im growing to love my new hair. its kinda interesting. when i first saw it, i couldnt really accept it.. like how i did when i first got my short hair last year. but its actually quite fun to play with.

i can't wait to show off my new hair styles.

Name: Koh Shu Min
Date: 11/20/2008
Colorgenics Number: 35416270

Much of the time you are preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature. You need stimulation and variation with all matters pertaining to your life. You want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality being able to charm and influence others. You use powerful strategies with predictable outcomes so as to avoid endangering your chances of success or undermining other people's confidence in you.

Most people are conditioned by their environment and you are no exception. You are an extremely emotional person - so much so that 'the wrong word' can lead you to tears. You feel other people's pain. You feel the need of sympathetic relationships and a pleasant work environment in order to develop and grow. You are an impulsive, loving individual with a great deal of inherent feeling.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.

The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour.

ok mind matters. im just going try my best study...

rarrrrr kill alevels

i won 6 ticketsto the wild child preview plus mini makeover from seventeen mag!!!!! this must be the bestest thing that happened to me since alevles! (i used it as a reason as to why i wanted to win so badly >.<  but hey, i want to have fun with friendssss. that was my intention when i first saw the article anyway)

but i could only get to choose 5... yunyin and yiling can't go, cos its on the 25th nov. i want to saboh eileen.. yea

ok i think thats the end of all these excitement for now.

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ive decided to post my previous entry anyway. cos, thats my whole point of typing it out in the first place, instead of writing it out in my diary. actually the other reason is because i was just plain lazy to write. my hand cannot hold pen properly.

im so screwed for csc. haha. HELP lah.

anw if you don't know yet.. ive been telling my friends that i have this very bad feeling about my results. i hope im adequately prepared next march. i hope i don't cry.

why am i even typing this out like strangers will read huh?

must study